Privacy policy,

You’re actually going to read the privacy policy? I’m shocked — in a good way, that is. Everyone ought to know what private actors do with their personal data. Ideally, no data should be collected, but even this website collects some data — although not purposely.

1. Data collection

I do not knowingly collect your data — I promise.
However, if you email me or use any of the submission forms, obviously your data will fall into my hands. Even though I don’t collect data myself, my hosting provider (Spaceship) might. The CMS I’ve used to construct this masterpiece (this website, to clarify) is WordPress, which does collect and store data for basic functionality: logins, comments, etc.

2. Cookies

This website does not use any cookies, other than the ones that come packaged with the WordPress CMS. That’s also why there’s no annoying cookie banner popping up every time you visit — and for this, I am truly grateful. Even well-meaning cookie banners are evil. When a site throws up a banner just to tell you it doesn’t use cookies, it feels a bit braggy. Like — cool, you’re not spying on me, but now I have to close your dumb banner. Thanks for the half-second of peace.

3. Third parties

I’ve already asked around. No one wants your data.

4. Data storage

Under my bed. If you happen to send me an email, I’ll print it out and keep it under my bed as a keepsake. It’s not like I’m using the space for anything else. Security-wise, I’d say it’s one of the safest storage options available — if not the safest.

5. GDPR

I’ve got to be honest: I haven’t read the GDPR. I don’t really know what it is. Soooooo… I hope I’m not violating it. If I am, well… tough luck, I guess.

6. Changes to the policy

If I become famous or find a way to profit from your data — say, by selling it to China, the U.S. government, or really anyone — I’ll probably update this policy to allow me to reap those benefits. That is, of course, unless the EU raids my home beforehand for violating GDPR.

Yours truly,

Elliot